Tonight
by mine29
Summary: Losing something you never get to experience is okay. Losing something that is the greatest gift in your life is excruciating pain. But somehow there's always something that will help you cope, move on and accept it. One shot.


**Tonight by FM Static**

**Characters: Faberry (Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray)**

**Disclaimer: Dont own anything.**

* * *

**Tonight**

Sectionals on our senior year is one of the turning point of my life. I got suspended for our competition but I guess the outcome is much better. We became friends. Somehow I finally got through you and had an understanding. I stopped you from making your biggest mistake in your life and you stopped me from mine. If not, I would have been Mrs. Hudson. Although your accident could have been avoided but at least that incident took our tentative friendship into one of the most beautiful ones.

The months sped by and despite your absence in school because of the accident you still manage to graduate as valedictorian. We took our separate route to our bright futures with the promise that we will hold on to our friendship. You go to Yale and I follow my dreams to NYADA.

_I remember the times we spent together__  
__All those drives, we had a million questions__  
__All about our lives__  
_

We took our separate paths and still keep our promise on holding to our friendship. It's just a one hour away drive but every time I feel it's getting longer. Or maybe I just can't seem to wait to spend some time with you. My friends say I'm becoming way too obsessed with you and no friends are this close. I'm starting to doubt too.

I'm not interested in meeting new guys even though they are now practically throwing their selves to me. Apparently, being a diva here in NYADA is cool and it turns on the guys.

I don't need them. All I need is you.

_And when we got to New York everything felt right__  
__I wish you were here with me, __  
__Tonight__  
_

We finished college and you decided to pursue a vacation before starting your career as a journalist. I didn't expect you to choose New York because for the past four years you have been going here every other week. Sometimes more. Although I couldn't be happier.

It's my opening night, my first Broadway production. I'm not the lead but a lead support is a big thing. Seeing you on the center isle makes me feel something. This is one of the biggest nights of my life I can't think of anyone who I want to see. Just you. Flowers are perfect, and you are too. We went to dinner and you walked me home and you walk back to your hotel.

We did this a million times but somehow, this time it's different. Your smile says so and I guess mine too.

_I remember the days we spent together,__  
__were not enough, it used to feel like dreaming__  
__Except we always woke up,__  
__Never thought not having you__  
__here now__  
__Would hurt so much__  
_

Your vacation turns into moving in. I couldn't be happier. Your apartment is a few blocks away from mine but still you're far away. I always make excuses for you to spend time on my apartment and you never complain. You're always on my side.

You write your articles on my apartment and I just hover to annoy you. I love seeing you write. Or maybe I just love seeing you in general. At night, whenever you're free or not and I have shows, you drop everything you're doing just to see me. Every single time. Even on my auditions. When I ask you why, you just casually shrug and says, "Your worth more of my time." we go out on dates. Friendly dates as my friends always put it but somehow it doesn't feel right. It feels more than that.

Another audition and of course you're watching but I guess it's one of those times that wasn't meant for me and I cried at your shoulders. You cradled me and hold me so close. I bury myself on the crook of your neck and inhale your unique scent that always calms me down. You kissed the top of my head and keep your lips there. I couldn't be more content right now. Of course nothing lasts. Someone cleared their throat, I look up and he says, "Hey Rachel, I know you're upset so maybe I can try to make you happy. Let's head out to dinner. I'm sure your friend wouldn't mind." Stupid guy. Haven't I expressed I'm not interested on him? Besides Quinn is not just a friend. Right? Damn.

"it's ok Rach. Go out. It may take your mind off these things." you says but I can't help but look at your eyes and see that you don't mean it. You want me to stay but is having trouble at the idea. You look hurt that you think you are just a friend. Looks like you are a having internal battle or some sort. I am having too but I think I'm done thinking.

"You're not just my friend Quinn."

"Best fr-"

"No." I cut you off looking directly at your eyes. She's hopeful but something still holds you back. I turn my gaze from those soulful hazel eyes to your perfect lips then back at your eyes again.

Something changed between us. You are definitely not my friend anymore. I want more. Suddenly you take off your eyes on me and shifted it to my lips. There's the signal I've been waiting. You want me too.

"Then what am I to you?" you asks me, your voice lower. Huskier. Not removing your gaze on my lips. As if you're waiting for the answers that will come out. It didn't come out because my lips are on you. The boy is long forgotten.

_Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up__  
__I need your loving hands to come and pick me up_

You walked me home again as if nothing has happened. After we broke our kiss you just flashes me your most genuine smile and kisses my forehead, tugs my hand and held it dearly. You didn't let go for one second and I'm not complaining. Your hand on mine is where it should be. I'm in a trance and you just walked ahead. Still with that content smile. You are so beautiful.

You check on me every few minutes and kiss the top of my head as if you miss me. Stop it Fabray! I'm falling. Or maybe I already did.

Not a minute longer we are in front of my apartment and you're rummaging on my bag looking for my keys. I have to give you a key to my apartment; I thought for a second but instantly dismiss it because frankly, I don't even know if we are together. I think the answer is no.

"Here you go princess. You're tired. Sleep ok?" you kisses me again on the head. I savor the feeling and my train of thought broke a little but as you are closing the door it caught up with me again.

"Stay the night."

_And every night I miss you__  
__I can just look up__  
__And know the stars are__  
__Holding you, holding you, holding you__  
__Tonight__  
_

You didn't stay that night but you still followed me into my living room and we sat down. You held me closely and I found my haven on you. We fit so perfectly.

You lifted my chin and kissed me lightly. It's just a graze of our lips but I felt everything there. I want more but you stopped me. You told me you don't want our first night to be too fast. I argued but you just kissed me again and I just surrendered on your touch.

After a few minutes of silence you ask me, "what if I got sent away for a few days for work, will you be ok with that?"

I answered, "of course. I will miss you terribly but you are coming back for me. So no worries."

"I will miss you so much Rach. I always have been. Every night whenever I walked you home and I went to bed alone. I keep on thinking, holding on to the feeling of mornings that I woke up next to you. In that way I can sleep better and pretend that you're by my side. I don't want to leave you. Right now." you finished quietly. I held back my tears because you don't know how happy I am to finally hear those words come from you. To finally hear that you want me too, the way I want you. I hold on more tightly and you did too. After a beat of silence I gave you the best words to accompany you when you leave.

"You think I'm a star right?" you nodded then I smile more brightly.

"Then at night whenever you're sleeping alone, wherever it is. Just look at the stars because you know that's me. I'm looking after you via those stars." I finished lamely but you just shook your head and kiss me softly. Presses our foreheads together and whispers, "I love you Rachel."

_I remember the time you told me__  
__About when you were eight__  
__And all those things you said that night__  
__That just couldn't wait_

We became official. You asked me to be your girlfriend after three dates. A dinner and movie, typical first date. Movie, dinner plus a walk in the park and a concert at the bar that you specifically arrange, our second date. Our third date is just dinner at your apartment. Plain and simple but it ended being the most magical one. Why? Because for the first time in all of our times together, we are finally together. Were watching 'Bruce Almighty' because you don't want any sappy romcom flicks. At the end of the movie I turned to look at you in the eye and says "I guess it's safe to say that I really am with you because of my own free will." I flashed you with one of my most charming smile but you shook your head and released a sigh.

"Were not yet together Rach."

'Yet' that's the keyword.

I know I'm supposed to be hurt or something but the look on your eyes tell me otherwise. Those hazel eyes are telling me that there's more to come. Just wait. Your next words are not supposed to be the best one but it became one.

"Be my girlfriend Rachel Barbra Berry. Be mine and I'll promise to take care of you and do whatever you wanted for as long as you want me to." you sounded so in love and so sincere plus your beauty is so mesmerizing I forgot to say yes. I just kissed you hard and when I'm out of breath I thought of something.

"You'll do everything I ask and care for me as long as I want?" you nodded eagerly but worry is starting to show on your face.

"So if I say I want to marry you at twenty five you will propose?"

"Fuck yes!" you said eagerly without any hesitation.

"Language Quinn." I scolded you but you pouted so I kissed it to turn that pout into a smile.

"Is that a yes then?"

"Yes Quinn! I'll be your girlfriend."

We cuddled the rest of the night and talk about our past. Being friends for four years it amazes me that we still have something to talk about and still learn from each other every day.

That night you told me the first time that you have seen me. You were eight and you're not yet living in Lima but there's a competition. A talent competition with your sister as one of the contestant. You told me she's not even good but because the Fabray's are well off, you're sister got in and snagged a place.

You said you noticed one contestant that seems so out of place. That contest is really not a contest for talents but just a place to show off the children's of powerful families in the whole of Ohio. So basically generic blonde and well groomed boys and girls are there but There's one Jewish girl, brunette, bangs covering her forehead, a rather big nose and accompanied but two guys who caught your attention the second you have seen her.

You said you immediately admired the girl's bravery for even joining this crap talent show and became so blown away when she started singing.

"She sang 'mirror mirror' by m2m and by the time she finished and exit's the stage I was so anxious to know her name. Glad that the announcers are doing their job before and after the performance. I got her name." you continued to tell your story but you tilted my head so that you can look at my eyes directly, I hold on to your gaze. So hypnotized by your green eyes. I know who you're talking about and the queasy feeling in my stomach doubled.

"Rachel Barbra Berry" you said while looking directly at me. I can't believe you have known me even before moving at Lima.

You said I became a sort of your inspiration whenever you're down during those younger years. You think of me and somehow you got braver and do things out of the box.

You told me everything that night. After a couple of weeks I opened up to you.

_I remember the car you were last seen in__  
__And the games we would play__  
__All the times we spilled our coffees__  
__And stayed out way too late__  
_

We are blissfully happy. Everything is so fucking perfect I knew something will go wrong. I just never expected that it will be this bad.

You got sent to places because of your work. Sometimes weeks you are gone, sometimes just a few days. Work is not that hectic yet for me. Somehow it's perfect because the last time I got a show you just stayed here in New York and by the time I finished you got sent away from time to time.

Being free from work means I always get to tag along on your work. We always take your car because you want our time together to be just us. You knew that when we get back to New York somehow you have to share me with my growing fan base so you savor every moment we get.

We never got tired of playing games. We never run out of things to talk about.

Whenever we sleep at motels because the drive is too far, we slept late because somehow the whole day drive is still not enough for the two of us. We still crave each other's company.

We are constantly talking. Touching.

So how do you expect me to cope and adjust when you took an adventure on your own? One adventure I can't tag along even though I have no work.

One road that you're not yet supposed to drive into. I can't Quinn. I can't.

_I remember the time you sat and told me__  
__About your Jesus, and how not to look back__  
__Even if no one believes us__  
__When it hurts so bad, sometimes__  
__Not having you here_

Faith. You lost and regain faith twice on our high school years but now it's stronger than ever. Even with our situation you found a loophole through thick doctrines that makes you still a very good Christian.

You thought me that even though you have been banished from your church doesn't mean God did too. You and Santana helped each other to regain your faith. I so wanted you to convert into being a Jew but I don't want to impose my hold on to you.

You said God is all the same in all the religions. He is just in different forms that suit's our beliefs. Suit's our lifestyle. You learned that God doesn't give us problem that we can't pass. God always gives us what we want, just not in the ways we want.

You want to be brave, be independent and learn how to love yourself. Our high school experience thought you that. College opens your eyes to every possibility. To every kind of people with different experiences.

I still laugh every time I remember this because out of all the movies in the world, you learned this through Steve Carrell and Morgan Freeman on "Evan Almighty". God doesn't give us problem but it's the solution to our problem. We're just too blind to see it. You said you don't need the church or any religious person for your faith. All you need is faith in God itself. Everything will be alright. Everything.

You're wrong Quinn. It's not alright. This is wrong. What does this accomplish aside from crushing my heart repeatedly? I flinch every time I hear crashing sound no matter how faint the sound is. It's like senior year all over again. Except now that I experienced being with you, this becomes a thousand more painful.

I can see you everywhere. Us. Together.

_Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up__  
__I need your loving hands to come and pick me up__  
__And every night I miss you__  
__I can just look up__  
__And know the stars are__  
__Holding you, holding you, holding you__  
__Tonight__  
_

Another night alone, another cloudless sky. It's so peaceful but it's the opposite inside my mind. It's pure chaos. I'm like a robot whose aim is to function normally as possible.

I'm on our balcony looking inside and I can still see you on your side of the couch. Television is on the music channel but you're not listening too focus on your laptop. Too focus on your writing. I think it's about animal rights because I keep on bugging you about the inhumane practice on horses.

It's like an out of body experience. I'm an outsider, just looking, observing on how we work. On how we used to work.

"Quinn, stop that. Come outside. There's something you need to see."

As usual you drop everything because I told you so no matter how focused you are. I smile a little and you just shook your head in defeat. You're just so whipped.

I turn my back on you as soon as you are on the balcony. Slender hands make way on my waist. You make yourself comfortable on my neck, inhaling my scent as I lean more on you. That's how it's supposed to be. Us being just us.

"There are so many stars Quinn. They all shine so bright."

"I have the brightest star here in my arms. And she doesn't belong up there." you cheekily answered with a peck on my lips.

I laugh softly and answered, "I belong there Quinn. I can't protect you or guide if I'm not one of them."

You just pecked my cheeks and whispered, "you don't belong there Rach, yet."

I pouted a little and ask why.

"Because there are still so many people out there that needs your light Rach. I am one of them and proud to say you're done with me. It's time for the others." you spun me so that we are facing each other.

"Those stars are there just to guide us. They already finished their business here but still wants to see the miracles caused by the stars left here." your eyes. It's so beautiful and so honest. And it's stays on my brown ones, holding on the moment.

"You once told me Rachel that wherever I go if I can just see one star I know that star is guiding me because you told them to. Lord of the stars." you pinch my cheeks as I laugh louder.

"is that how it works also on you? Whenever I'm gone I mean." you ask softly.

I answered yes. Because stars will always hold you.

"Ok Rach. Just always remember that ok? I'll be gone for almost two weeks so you'll gonna be spending a lot of your time looking at those stars."

"you'll always come back right?"

"I have nowhere else I want to be. Right here in your arms is where I belong." and then I kissed you. Passionately. Time pass but I don't care I can still feel your lips on mine.

That was weeks ago. And now you're gone. You're not here in my arms. Where are you Quinn? I didn't notice I'm crying. Tears are falling like crazy on my face. Only the railing keeps me steady.

"I thought you said you're not gonna leave me! Where are you Quinn! I need you!" I full blown shouted to the stars.

"If ever what Quinn told me is true. That you are just waiting for miracles to happen please let me see Quinn. One more time" I pleaded to the stars.

"I'm your lord God damn it!"

Then I felt it. Your delicate finger is wiping away my tears. Your body is molding against mine. I can't speak but I know it's you because of your eyes. You have the most somber expression I have ever seen. One side of your mouth is twitching. Indicating a smile is coming and there it is the smile of an angel.

"I'm just watching you Rachel. Waiting for miracles that you will still do on this world. My time is done. I will be waiting for you with the stars. They will keep me company. And so will you." you touched my nose then kissed my forehead.

"I love you Rachel Berry" then you gave me your last kiss. Your last 'I love you', your last goodbye.

_I say_  
_Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up_  
_I need your loving hands to come and pick me up_  
_And every night I miss you_  
_I can just look up_  
_And know the stars are_  
_Holding you, holding you, holding you_  
_Tonight_

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**Comments would be awesome.**

**Hope you like it! Thank you for reading!**


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